The two things we tend to immediately distinguish in one another are the common denominator and what is different between us and those around us.
The common denominator gives us a sense of belonging, security and stability in our relationships, in our environment. For a sense of belonging, we are ready to do a lot, even at the cost of giving up parts of ourselves in order to fit in with the environment.
When we consider difference between us and the other, we can get to know ourselves better and strengthen the sense of individuality and uniqueness of each one of us has. On the other hand, if the difference is between us and the entire system, this puts us at risk of losing our place within it and thereby risking being ostracized from the family or social system to which we belong by virtue of birth, origin, society, culture, country, etc...
The black sheep is usually a character who chose to break the rules, conduct himself and behave differently from the other members of the group, and took on the role of the rebel and the one who was removed from the family system (usually without being aware that he had taken on a role).
In most cases, the family or the system will find it difficult to deal with a family member who breaks the conventions and laws and turns to a different path than the other members of the family or group turn to; And out of a desire to maintain the integrity of the family, they banish those that are different and in some cases even ignore their existence.
One of the most important principles in a family constellation is the principle of belonging. This principle means that everyone born into the system belongs to it equally to every other person in it. Anyone and anything that has a fateful connection to the system also belongs to it.
Based on this principle, no one can be excluded from the system, even if such individual is banished and his existence is denied, he will still belong to the system the same as any other person, even if he rebels or acts and behaves differently from the rest.
In fact, the black sheep of the family is the one that enables the family linage to develop, change and evolve. This is a very important role for the family system and for any system whatsoever, this is the movement forward, the mutation that advances us all one step forward towards the future.
According to Brett Hellinger, founder of the Family and Systemic Constellation Approach, the Black Sheep is the fulfillment of the dream dreamed by our ancestors throughout time.
I attach here a text written by Brett Hellinger on this subject and recommend reading it,
"Those named the 'black sheep' of the family are, in fact, the seekers of the way to solve the conflicts of the family tree. Those family members who do not adapt to the rules or traditions of the family system, those who sought to bring about a revolution in beliefs and patterns, who go against the traditional and accepted ways of the family, those who were criticized, tried and even rejected by all, are the ones who had a deep calling to free the family genealogy from stories that repeated themselves time and time again and frustrated entire generations. The "black sheep", those who do not accept the given situation, those who shout rebellion with every fiber of their body and soul, are the ones who correct the systemic toxicity and give birth to a new and blooming branch of the family tree... Countless unfulfilled desires, countless unfulfilled dreams, unfulfilled talents of our fathers and mothers, are expressed in their rebellion that seeks acknowledment. Naturally, the genealogical factor will try to preserve its sterilizing and toxic charge, which makes the task of releasing more difficult and complicated... When no one makes you doubt or worry about your "rare and special character" as the most precious flower in your tree. You are the dream of all your ancestors. "
~ Brett Hellinger ~
Translated by: Nofar Livni Laskov
Dedicated to all black sheep, thank you.